How To Help
You want to support a friend
When someone has been sexually assaulted, it is likely they will seek support from a friend. As a friend, it can be difficult to know how to respond. Individuals have different reactions following a sexual assault. There is no right or wrong reaction. Here are some strategies you may find helpful when supporting your friend:
- When a person has been sexually assaulted, their power has been taken away from them. It is important that you allow your friend to maintain control. This will help them regain a sense of strength, power, and safety. Offer information and options to your friend, but allow them to make decision. It is important that you support them in their decisions, even if you disagree with the decision. It is also likely that your friend may change their mind after making a decision. This is okay and completely normal. Continue to support your friend!
- Believe your friend. It may be very difficult for your friend to share their story with you. Your reaction can have an impact on whether or not your friend continues to share their story. Tell your friend you believe them and want to help. Validate their feelings. Limit your questions about what happened - asking too many questions about the details may imply to your friend that you doubt them. You can be supportive without knowing all the details.
- Listen. It is important not to interrupt your friend. There may be moments of silence. Don’t feel pressured to say something. Your friend may simply be thinking about what to say next. Allow your friend time to gather their thoughts.
- Respect your friend’s privacy. Don’t share their story without their permission. Make sure to take care of yourself. You can ask for help for yourself without disclosing your friend's identity.
- Educate yourself about options and resources to offer to your friend. If the sexual assault happened in the last few days, there are some time-sensitive decisions your friend may need to make:
- If your friend is female, she can take emergency contraception. Emergency contraception is most effective when taken as soon as possible. Your friend can receive emergency contraception confidentially at the Wellness Center.
- Medication to prevent the development of some sexually transmitted infections can also be obtained confidentially at the Wellness Center.
- Your friend may also choose to go to a health care provider in the local community or the Victim Service Center of Central Florida. Collection of evidence needs to occur within five days. It is important for your friend to know that they can have forensic evidence collected at the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, even if they decide not to file a police report. Collecting evidence allows your friend to have the full range of options available if they later decide to report the sexual assault.
It is helpful to provide your friend with these options and allow them to decide what they would like to do.
Please know there are resources available to you, as the person supporting a friend who was sexually assault. When you get support for yourself, you are better able to support your friend.
These resources include:
- Counseling and Psychological Services
- Title IX Coordinator
If someone discloses misconduct to you
All College staff and faculty who receive a report of sexual misconduct or harassment are required to elevate the report to the Title IX Coordinator or Deputy Title IX Coordinator (except for those designated as a confidential resource).
We know that conversations surrounding sexual misconduct and harassment are sensitive in nature. Here is some advice and guidance on what to do and say:
- Listen without interrupting
- Remain calm and concerned and maintain eye contact
- Do not worry about having to say just the right thing – just being there can help!
- Respect the language the student uses to identify what has happened
- Remember that this is a time to allow the student to vent whatever emotions, thoughts or beliefs they have connected to their experience
- Allow for tears and expression of feelings
- Allow silence, as silence means that the student is thinking and/or processing (This may also be an opportunity for you to think about how you can help and be there for the student)
- Believe and support the student (Reflect what you are hearing): “That must have been tough/frightening/scary for you.”
- Help the student identify one to two trusted support people; “Even if you don’t know what you want to do right now, it can be helpful to talk to someone about your options.”
- Ask what you can do to be supportive: “Would you like for me to go with you to talk with someone?”
- Ask if they want to get medical attention – no matter how long ago the assault occurred
- Have an appropriate behavioral response—hugging or touching may be inappropriate. You can always ask “may I give you a hug?” If it feels awkward to do, then it will be awkward.
- Ask yourself, “Am I doing everything in my power to create an intentionally safe environment for this student with my verbal and non-verbal language?”
Here is some advice and guidance on what not to say or do:
- Asking “why” questions or questions that may imply blame and put the student on the defensive: “What were you doing there?”
- Asking questions to satisfy your own curiosity never assist the process
- Blaming or judging the student’s actions: “You shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”
- Dismissing or minimizing the student’s feelings experience: “It could have been worse.”
- Trying to “fix” the problem or telling the student what to do: “You need to talk to a counselor”
- Saying, “It will be OK.” This is a common statement meant with good intentions or to fill space when you don’t know what else to say, but it is not appropriate because you don’t know if it will be OK. The best thing to do is be there with them in the present moment where it is safe.
The following talking points guide was created for faculty and staff members to provide guidance around responding to disclosures.
How to Support a Friend or Family Member
- 1
Empower
When a person has been sexually assaulted, their power has been taken away from them. It is important to give them the autonomy to decide the next steps. Offering information, resources and options to your friend is supportive. Trying to make a decision for them or ignoring their wishes is not supportive and may lead to further harm. They may change their mind several times. This is okay and completely normal. Continue to support your friend!
- 2
Believe
It may be very difficult for your friend to share their story with you. Your reaction may impact whether seek additional support. Tell your friend you believe them and want to help. Validate their feelings. Limit your questions about what happened - asking for too many details may imply to your friend that you doubt them. You can be supportive without knowing all the details.
- 3
Listen
It is important not to interrupt your friend. There may be moments of silence. Don’t feel pressured to say something. Your friend may simply be thinking about what to say next. Allow your friend time to gather their thoughts.